Today I want my life back. I want to take a bath without wrapping my arm in a plastic bag. I want to not think about the picc line in my right arm or the wonky feeling I have that’s just off center. I don’t want to see a doctor, have a blood test, and I wish I didn’t have that creepy feeling in the back of my head where my hair used to be.

I don’t want to be a cancer patient. I want my big old underwire bra back.

But I can’t have those things. Not right now anyway.

At the moment my life is consumed with the business of getting through chemotherapy, radiation and what follows. My life is consumed with side effects, anti nausea drugs and even laxatives. Cancer patient seems to pervade all aspects of my life. So many changes in a short time.


And then I also realized that I need to manage things just a little bit better. I have these wide open days before me without structure. So I want to set some goals for things to do …. Meditate, nap, write. I have to set myself a schedule and follow through something that I’ve learned from having ADD. Once I realized that, the angst just went way, way down. And I had my life back again.

Interesting to think what this says about anxiety.

Although now I’m tired so I will save that for another day………